Lavi The User Guide and Owner Manual
by WhimsicalHeart
Summary: You are now the proud owner of a Lavi unit. To unlock his full potential and keep him out of trouble or at least in less trouble please read the following manual carefully.


**Disclaimer:** We don't own -man or any characters of the same. We just enjoy using and abusing them for your entertainment. The format for the User Guide and Owner's/ Maintenance manual series belongs to Theresa Green. On this site Saya-sama has also written a User Guide and Owner Manual series, if you like this sort of thing go read hers they are excellent.

**A/N:** I'm going to say this once please rate and review, if you don't I get the finger poke of disappointment from Ducky (an off site friend who helped me write this). It is really painful she has _strong_ fingers from practicing piano for 6 hours on Saturday plus week day practices. It doesn't help that I usually receive them in Maths. Please help by reviewing. Now that the formalities are done on to the fun stuff. We give you Lavi, tada! Yes the hindi spelling sucks royally but it is basically what we want to say.

**A/N:** Ducky time. I can't believe it, exams suck. We're off for the next 2 months between exams and holidays. Sigh. It is a poke of love and affection you should be happy to receive it ^_^ (WH: excuse me, it is painful) you are such a ninny! Hope you like it. People review or I will come and give you the poke of hatred and that is scary seeing WH only receives the poke of love which she claims is painful already.

**Congratulations**

You are now the proud owner of a Lavi unit. To unlock his full potential and keep him out of trouble (or at least in less trouble) please read the following manual carefully. Management accepts no responsibility for damage resulting from actions that directly contradict what is written in the manual. We also accept no responsibility for any of his pranks. It is clearly written on the box that he is a prankster.

**Unit Specifications:**

**Name: **Lavi

**AKA:** Junior, Baka Usagi/ Stupid Rabbit, Brat, eye patch-kun

**Age: **18

**Place of Manufacture:** this unit is Nomadic and as such we have been unable to pin point his place of manufacture

**Height, Weight, Blood Type:** your unit feels that you not knowing this adds to his mysterious appeal (D: I thought only girls were worried about their weight) and the manufacturers feel the strange need to humour him, despite the fact that it is quite easy to put him on the scale / take him to the doctor/ put a tape measure next to him and check.

**Your Lavi unit comes with the following accessories:**

2 bandanas

1 eye patch

1 loose fitting exorcist cloak

1 scarf

2 pairs of white pants

2 pairs of black pants

2 pairs of exorcist boots

4 sleeper earrings (small hoops)

1 equipment type innocence: SIZE SHIFTING HAMMER™ (with 4 unlockable modes)

1 pair fingerless gloves

1 tight fitting, elbow length sleeve, exorcist coat

1 equipment belt

1 SIZE SHIFTING HAMMER™ carry bag

**Removing Your Lavi unit from the box:**

Your Lavi unit will probably be very willing to remove himself from the box and explore the new domain. On the off chance that he is reluctant to come out. There are 2 ways to get him out the box:

Comment: "Wow, there is such a babe walking past, isn't she gorgeous"

Scream: "AKUMA!" he should come out to attack it and will just laugh at the joke when he realises there is none.

We advise the former, he is more likely to respond. If he still refuses to come out give him some time and try again. If he still doesn't he's not coming out, ever. Send him back.

**Programming:**

Once you have successfully removed you Lavi unit from the box you will encounter his programming. One of Lavi units' key traits is an inexplicable, uncontrollable, at times suicidal (keep him away from KANDA YUU units) desire to tease and prank other people. As such your Lavi is not suitable for people who cannot take a joke, scare easily, have a delicate constitution, are easily offended or are general sticks-in-the-mud.

**Exorcist: **is there a plague of AKUMA units in your area? Does one of your neighbours have a MILLENNIUM EARL unit that insists on creating these units? Maybe you do (quick question, what would possess you that would make you purchase a MILLENNIUM EARL unit and an EXORCIST unit at the same time? No, TIMOTHY units don't count they are naughty not crazy). Well what ever the reason your Lavi unit will happily destroy them for you. He is an excellent (if superfluous) fighter and will annihilate these units for you (WH: and the buildings).

**Prankster:** If you have someone who _really _annoys you or if you just enjoy a good laugh. This is the unit for you. He is always up for a joke and will prank anyone and everyone. He tends to call them names he knows annoys them too.

**Handyman: **Do you need something fixed? Is your furniture and stuff permanently broken? Your LAVI unit will fix it all (D: he can do that? WH: well he probably broke it so he should be able to fix it D: love your logic) and he comes equipped with his own hammer!!!

**Bodyguard: **Are you a high priority person trying to keep a low profile? Do people feel the incessant need to try and take your life? Do you need protection? Are you paranoid? Well we hope you are a stunning girl otherwise you can just forget it. If you are a really hot chick, LAVI will protect you no matter the cost. You'll just have to put up with his advances.

**Historian: **do you feel that history is dead? Find it hard to remember dates? Have a useless teacher or textbook? Think that history is written by the victors and is therefore unreliable? LAVI is the solution to all your problems. He has an in-depth, unbiased and close to unique understanding of history, he'll make it come to life for you. Separating him from your history books afterwards is another story though…

**Selector: **LAVI has a very handy feature that allows him to remember things with perfect accuracy. He could find a needle in a hay stack or a key in a thousand other similar ones. He would be able to tell you if you ever received the same coin or note (although we see no reason on heaven and earth for wanting to know such a thing).

**Weather Man:** is it way too cloudy and wet? Do you ever plan to go to the beach and perfect your tan, look good for that hot guy/ girl only to find that Mother Nature has it in for you? Well never fear LAVI is here. His SIZE SHIFTING HAMMER™ has many amazing modes

**Your LAVI comes with the following modes:**

Impish (_default_)

Strike!

Bookman (locked, encrypted)

Angry

Attack

Deceptive

Accuracy

Modes are not mutually exclusive, this basically means that he can be in more than one mode simultaneously. In Bookman mode the only other mode that he may also be in is Accuracy. Accuracy runs as a background mode in all modes, you can't turn it off. It is an integral part of the programming. He has so few modes as he was raised as a bookman class unit. This means he was taught not to feel, for additional modes you will have to purchase the EDO: NOAH'S ARK upgrade.

You will find that as a rule he exists in Impish mode, this means that he will prank you (it's on the box, that's what he is like) and generally have fun. It also means that he is, for the most part, content with life. LAVI is very much like a child he will probably give people around him nicknames. He will however remember everything, perfectly. This is due to the fact that he permanently in accuracy mode, this means he notices everything!!!!!! And we mean everything, down to tiny little scratches. Don't play snap with him, or donkey or anything like that, he will probably remember all the little irregularities on the backs of the cards.

Deceptive mode means that he is anything but happy but will carry on smiling as if he is, that is his bookman training kicking in. It can be somewhat difficult to figure out what is upsetting him as more often than not he will pretend whatever is upsetting him doesn't bother him at all. Actually it's hard enough to figure out that he has gone into deceptive mode, your LAVI is an excellent actor (no that doesn't mean you can sign him up for the school play, or Hollywood to make a quick million).

When he enters Strike! mode all pretty females become a target, this includes AKUMA units in human form, it won't however stop him from killing them when he figures out what they are, but hey, you win some you lose some.

Angry mode is activated when he feels that people are being unnecessary about things that they cannot change or things that were not their fault. It can also be activated when he feels that one of the people he is attached to has been hurt or killed. When that happens he will slip into attack mode. We feel that attack mode needs little to no explanation as the name says it all. In attack mode he will attack.

We're not even going to tell you about Bookman mode, it is terrifying, don't even go there. Keep him away from all RHOADE CAMELOT units and we'll all be happy chappies, LAVI units included. Let us make this perfectly clear. Under NO circumstances do you ever let LAVI get into Bookman mode, if you live long enough he just may get out of it, you will probably need a ALLEN WALKER unit to help and even then no guarantees. Ne t'en fait pas, c'est très, très grave et dangereux. Don't do it, it is dangerous. Mat karo. Khather nak hai. Moenie dit doen nie, dis gevaarlik.千萬不可嘗試, 非常之危險!!! Kore wa dame! Hontouni kiken desu!

**Feeding your U****nit**

Your unit is not much of a fussy eater, he'll probably eat just about anything you put in front of him, and in a reasonable amount. However if you are a hot chick (one capable of activating his strike mode) he might enjoy you feeding him, just a thing we thought we should mention…

**Cleaning Your Unit**

Your unit is many things but unhygienic is not one of them. He will wash himself, clean his teeth etc. in case you didn't pick up on it earlier he can be a bit of a pervert which means he won't be adverse to joining/ peaking at people in the shower.

**Interaction with Black Order Units**

ALAISTER CROWLEY: very friendly towards this unit and will refer to him as Crow-chan. He is usually in impish mode around this unit, he can put an ALAISTER CROWLEY unit in worry mode though (the again who can't?).

MIRANDA LOTTO: He like all other units can scare this unit but will be thoroughly freaked out by a MIRANDA unit's ability to reverse time the first time he sees it.

CHOAJI: may feel a latent form of affection for this unit if he has received the EDO: NOAH'S ARK upgrade because they both nearly fall to their deaths. Other than that he tolerates this unit.

KANDA YUU: they get along quite well and are on friendly terms but you will find that your LAVI will insist on referring to this unit by its first name, YUU. We advise you do not do the same, please remember LAVI units are capable of defending themselves and/ or escaping from this unit. You are not. So if you want to keep our LAVI (and your home) in one piece, don't leave them alone unsupervised. Unfortunately calling a KANDA YUU unit by its first name infuriates the KANDA YUU and in doing so, stokes your Lavi unit's male, prankster ego. Thus your LAVI adores doing this and because he has absolutely no conscious or guilt about whether your house becomes splinters or not he will laugh as your house is destroyed.

LENALEE LEE: is fond of this unit and will often try to look after her if she is in some sort of trouble. He will however get very angry at LENALEE LEE units, to the point of breaking innocent bystanders like windows, when they slip into self pity modes because they think an ALLEN WALKER unit is dead.

KOMUI LEE: appreciates this unit is clever but is (rightfully) terrified by his abilities to create things like KOMURIN™ units. If you want to see LAVI terrified tell him that his SIZE SHIFTING HAMMER™ has been broken and a KOMUI LEE unit will be fixing it (just to cater for the idiots that exist, hide SIZE SHIFTING HAMMER™ before telling him this). He will also mess around when the SCIENCE TEAM is trying to hide stuff KOMUI LEE units made and unleash menaces to society, in the form of people infected by KOMU VITAMIN D©

BOOKMAN: your LAVI unit is the only unit capable of making BOOKMAN units cry. At other times he will refer to this unit as Panda-jiji/Gramps/Panda and is often kicked by this unit for not keeping his mouth closed, or misbehaving, letting his emotions get the better of him anything along those lines. He does however respect and listen to all BOOKMAN units.

GENERAL CROSS: will chase after this unit to try and return him to head quarters if he has not received the EDO: NOAH'S ARK UPGRADE. This could be cool for you assuming he is capable of catching the unit and bringing it back to head quarters (a.k.a your house) you gain a free unit!!! Wait a second this one will spend all your money… drink all your booze… put you into debt… then disappear. On second thoughts, get the upgrade.

ALLEN WALKER: good friends with this unit. He will often refer to this unit as moyashi/ bean sprout. Please note this is not done to antagonise as it is when a KANDA YUU unit calls an ALLEN WALKER unit bean sprout, when Lavi does it he does it to be annoying and because they are friends. He will however stop eating for awhile should he ever see the world through an ALLEN WALKER's cursed left eye©. He will also keep any Ace of Spades that your ALLEN WALKER loses. To see your LAVI really freaked out let him watch a game of cards where this unit is a participant. You want to have this unit on hand should you ever (and this had better be by chance not experimentation) get your LAVI unit into Bookman mode. When he wants to find an ALLEN unit he will call like he's offering food for a dog.

TIMOTHY HEARST: we advise we keep these units separate. On one hand you have an adult prankster who loves to mess around, on the other you have an impressionable child, capable of _possessing_ people, who loves messing around and avoiding his studies. Are we the only ones who see the potential problems here? Well if we cannot explain it to you we hope common sense can, other wise we seriously sympathise with your neighbourhood.

**Interaction with other units :**

RHOADE CAMELOT: keep your LAVI unit far, far away from this unit ok? No really we mean it. No experiments, nothing, nada. You will regret it. She will put him in Bookman mode. Once more, _KEEP HER AWAY FROM HIM__. _We will have no pity if you take him near her. This will be the _most_ traumatising experience of your life. And it will traumatise your unit too!

TYKI MIKK: if he meets this unit in white mode he will refer to him as thick glasses- san and probably be a bit shocked because TYKI MIKK will have stolen ALAISTER CROWLEY's possession in poker and because he gets to see BLACK ALLEN. If he meets this unit in black mode he will attack him, and lose. At least he will be unable to actually land a hit on TYKI MIKK, he will however eradicate all those annoying buildings around where they are fighting.

MILLENIUM EARL: considers this unit the enemy but will not attack it.

LULUBELL: will put him into attack mode

SKINN BOLIC: will put him into attack mode, he will defend helpless LENALEE LEE units from this unit.

JASDEBI: dislikes this (these) unit(s) intensely. He is able to find one key out of the mountains they will create when they activate PURPLE BULLET™

AKUMA: he will attack and destroy these units, and mostly everything around them, on sight, no questions asked. Only possible exception is AKUMA: CHOMESUKE who will probably confuse him at first but they will soon become fast friends and she activates his Strike! mode.

**Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ):**

**Question:** my LAVI unit won't stop harassing girls, I feel like I can't go anywhere anymore. Not with him at least. What can I do?

**Answer:** nothing comes to mind. It's how he is programmed, learn to live with it, you can't change it. if you really think you need help try purchasing an ALLEN WALKER or a BOOKMAN unit, they should be able to (in theory) keep him on the straight and narrow.

**Question:** I'm a really pretty girl, how can I get my LAVI to date me?

**Answer:** if you're telling the truth you shouldn't really need to ask that. Just tell him you want to go and he'll go. Unless he's malfunctioning in which case send him in and we'll check. You are at least 16 or above right? He may go for a 15 year old but while LAVI is a pervert he is not into little children. He does draw the line somewhere.

**Question:** I came home and well, my home wasn't there, actually there wasn't much of the block left. Everything was burning, and there were lots and lots of splinters! What can I do?

**Answer:** …move?

**Question: **my LAVI keeps on destroying things. My home, my furniture, everything. How do I stop him fighting?

**Answer: **well you keep him away from all TYKI MIKK, RHOADE CAMELOT (_very important_) and AKUMA units. That'll stop most of the problem. Does he act depressed and have a tattoo under his eye? If so refer to Trouble Shooting. Has he been near a KANDA YUU unit and been teasing him? if he has you deserve a slap round the ears for stupidity, otherwise you'll just have to get used to it.

**Troubleshooting: **

**Problem:** My LAVI unit is acting all weird, he is all depressed and he went out and got a tattoo! Can you believe it!? It's really cool and all, it's right under his eye but I didn't want a rebel. How do I fix him?

**Solution:** OH MY WORD!!!!!!!!! How could you, we mean really, how could you? That is disgusting! You are the worst owner in the world, do you know that? You let him near a RHOADE CAMELOT unit didn't you? We warned you, in 6 different languages NEVER EVER under ANY circumstances to let him anywhere NEAR a RHOADE CAMELOT unit. He's slipped into Bookman mode, seeing as you seem to have trouble reading the manual we'll qualify that now. This mode is both encrypted and _locked_ translation: it's hard to get him into the mode (you need a RHAODE CAMELOT) and once he's in it good luck getting him out. He tends to fry people in that mode, we hope you know that. Hey if we're lucky he'll get you, that'll teach you.

**Problem****:** no matter how hard I try I can't seem to get my LAVI unit's eye patch off, I mean it's cool and all and I totally love the pirate look but enough is enough.

**Solution****:** um, you know you get those little mysteries of life, the unsolved type? Well LAVI's eye patch is one such mystery. That's why we only send one with him. No matter how hard you try know this, it will not come off. Simple as that. He can get beaten to within an inch of his life, be tattered and burnt and do you know what the one thing is that will remain intact? His eye patch.


End file.
